I am at a crossroads right now with my training. I did a tempo (speed interval) workout today on my treadmill and I am having a hard time deciding whether or not I enjoyed it. Or if it is really beneficial to me. What is my main goal with my running anyways? To be faster? To lose weight? To get healthy? Because it is something that I really enjoy and allows me to relieve stress? I am never going to be the fastest girl in a race- I am just not built that way. Mentally or physically. So really, what is the point of doing these tempo workouts for ME?
I guess it is a matter of whether or not I want to settle for being a "10 minute" miler and really enjoy running. Or if I want to keep pushing myself to try to be a "9 minute" miler- will I still find running enjoyable at that point or will I be miserable? Today I ran a whole mile at a 7:30 pace. That is really fast for me. And to be honest I felt like throwing up afterwards but I finished it. And recovered and then ran the rest of my 3 miles. I think ultimately I am afraid of failure. What if I push myself so hard that I can't complete my run? Nothing really, but in my mind I would know that I failed. I don't like failing. I am a control freak like that.
I know I do this in my races. I pace myself so that I can finish strong. I don't trust my body and my training enough to know that it will be ok. I can recover when I push too hard and then go on to finish the race. In my mind I know that, but I am not sure my legs believe me!
So for now I am just going to keep following my training plan. My half marathon is coming up in 5 weeks and I have many long runs to complete before then. I am going to attempt to test myself during one of them by pushing myself as hard as I can to keep close to a 9 minute pace. If I can't complete the training run at least it is only failing a training run, right? There must be a quote I should insert here, but I do not have the energy to look one up tonight. Anybody? Something about failing is the only way to succeed. You know what I am getting at.
On a more serious note there are some people in my life who need some good thoughts and prayers sent their way. My Grandma Kathy was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma on her scalp this week and will be having it removed soon. She is good spirited about it and apparently this is the "best" kind of cancer to get. If there is such a thing. My best friend had surgery today due to a complication from a previous surgery. Apparently everything went well and she is recovering at the hospital tonight. And her aunt (maternal side) found out she has breast cancer. Which means now she (and the whole family) has to be very careful to monitor herself. Kind of puts the charley horse I got this morning at O'dark thirty into perspective. Life is precious- enjoy it while you can. Every moment.
Total distance: 6.36 miles Total Time: 56:19
Total Nutella earned- 7 Tablespoons - I am pretty sure I had about 4, mostly straight off of a spoon. crap.