19 August 2010

Is It Worth It?

I am at a crossroads right now with my training.  I did a tempo (speed interval) workout today on my treadmill and I am having a hard time deciding whether or not I enjoyed it.  Or if it is really beneficial to me.  What is my main goal with my running anyways?  To be faster?  To lose weight?  To get healthy?  Because it is something that I really enjoy and allows me to relieve stress?  I am never going to be the fastest girl in a race- I am just not built that way.  Mentally or physically.  So really, what is the point of doing these tempo workouts for ME?

I guess it is a matter of whether or not I want to settle for being a "10 minute" miler and really enjoy running.  Or if I want to keep pushing myself to try to be a "9 minute" miler- will I still find running enjoyable at that point or will I be miserable?  Today I ran a whole mile at a 7:30 pace.  That is really fast for me.  And to be honest I felt like throwing up afterwards but I finished it.  And recovered and then ran the rest of my 3 miles.  I think ultimately I am afraid of failure.  What if I push myself so hard that I can't complete my run?  Nothing really, but in my mind I would know that I failed.  I don't like failing.  I am a control freak like that.

I know I do this in my races.  I pace myself so that I can finish strong.  I don't trust my body and my training enough to know that it will be ok.  I can recover when I push too hard and then go on to finish the race.  In my mind I know that, but I am not sure my legs believe me! 

So for now I am just going to keep following my training plan.  My half marathon is coming up in 5 weeks and I have many long runs to complete before then.  I am going to attempt to test myself during one of them by pushing myself as hard as I can to keep close to a 9 minute pace.  If I can't complete the training run at least it is only failing a training run, right?  There must be a quote I should insert here, but I do not have the energy to look one up tonight.  Anybody?  Something about failing is the only way to succeed.  You know what I am getting at.

On a more serious note there are some people in my life who need some good thoughts and prayers sent their way.  My Grandma Kathy was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma on her scalp this week and will be having it removed soon.  She is good spirited about it and apparently this is the "best" kind of cancer to get.  If there is such a thing.  My best friend had surgery today due to a complication from a previous surgery.  Apparently everything went well and she is recovering at the hospital tonight.  And her aunt (maternal side) found out she has breast cancer.  Which means now she (and the whole family) has to be very careful to monitor herself.  Kind of puts the charley horse I got this morning at O'dark thirty into perspective.  Life is precious- enjoy it while you can.  Every moment.

Total distance:   6.36 miles  Total Time:  56:19
Total Nutella earned- 7 Tablespoons  - I am pretty sure I had about 4, mostly straight off of a spoon.  crap.



  1. Thanks for the love lady, I truly treasure you. And here is your motivational quote:
    “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”~ Sven Goran Eriksson quotes

  2. I'm going to go 'Meet the Robinson's' style and say keep moving forward.

    'Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths'- Walt Disney

  3. Everyone "runs" for different reasons. You covered a few...competition, health/fitness, stress relief...heck, I remember doing it for years because I was required to!

    I suspect you are evolving as a result of your successes. Perhaps simply "finishing" a run is no longer as satisfying as it once was...perhaps meeting your "per mile" times isnt as rewarding as it once was.... since you now know you can!:)

    As for "failing"...

    Most people never fully realize their physical potential. This is because it is uncommon to push oneself (or be pushed) to the point of collapse, "muscle failure" or complete exhaustion.(think unconcious) It is often scary to face/admit ones limits, especially in the presence of others who may achieve better results.

    Discovering your limits does not represent failure. It is simply a means of getting to know oneself more intimately, more "honestly" than most people are used to.

    I say dont worry about "failing" in anything you do....worry about not "trying".